Alone In A Crowd

I know that feeling all too well. The feeling of being surrounded by people yet having to acknowledge “I feel alone”.

 

Why is it that we can have so many people around us - friends, family, coworkers, strangers - and still feel isolated?

 

This is what I think is happening:

 

1. Our needs aren’t being met

We can feel alone because no one in the crowd is meeting our needs. Whether it is the need for a warm, constructive conversation, or the need for validation in some area of our life, or the need for others to stop talking about themselves for a moment and ask about us.

 

Perhaps it requires some courage from us to say “Hey I wanted to tell you about my day” rather than wait to be asked or included. Or we can frame the stories we want to share with others as something they can get involved in, for instance “I’m having this problem at work and I wanted to know what you think I should do”.

 

   2. We sometimes feel awkward around people

Society sometimes leans towards the notion that having lots of people in our circles is very desirable. It’s that contest of how many followers we have, or how many social invites we get. But not all of us are comfortable with a lot of people around us. And instead, it exacerbates that feeling of isolation.

 

The key is surrounding ourselves with the one or two like-minded people that we gel with, the few who get us and think on the same wavelength. Some people thrive within the crowd but if that isn’t you, find the small groups of people who share common interests and can go at your pace.

 

   3. We may need to adapt our social activities

We may have coworkers who want to have a drink after work, a friend who wants to go to the beach on weekends, a sister who is into pottery classes. 

 

Sharing in the things they like while also inviting them along to the things we like can help to bridge gaps and open us up to connecting with the people around us. It may take some adjusting on our part and we also have to be sure to voice our own interests.

 

 

The feeling of being alone is sometimes temporarily broken when we smile and say hello to the person at the shops or if we get an unexpected phone call. But for a more long lasting result, we can find ways to include people in helping us meet our needs, finding the few like-minded people we can connect with and by trying various ways to socialise with the different types of people in our lives.